Through the Eyes of a Child

Through the Eyes of a Child

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, Philippians 2:5

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

...to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. Titus 3:2

Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:3

Here I am in my passport country. I made it. I have been stateside 16 days now. To say the adjustment has been challenging is a vast understatement. My first couple days was very busy, which helped flip my body clock's sense of day and night. Everything (yes I mean EVERYTHING) feels like an assault to my senses. 

I was low-key interrogated in customs; it took over an hour to get through. The air is crisp and fresh--and COLD (I live on the equator). I hear one (no-accent) language being spoken, and I understand every word. I can read all the signs and billboards. I recognize roads, landmarks, places. So it should feel like "home," right? 

No. The price of a pizza here is equivalent to a monthly electric bill where I live--and that's IF I use the AC all day, every day. People here waste more food in one day than some families I know hope to eat in one week. There is a lot of traffic...but drivers show no courtesy, plus they are on the opposite [wrong] side of the road. I can go into a church, sit through the service, the "greet each other" time, and walk out afterward without a single person speaking to me. But aren't I happy to be "home?"     

No. I had my days roughly planned out to ensure I would spend plenty of time with my grandsons, while just resting and adjusting. My typical day to day involves a lot of online work, a lot of interacting in a different language, and with mainly adults. The only child I interact with regularly is just now beginning to say words. Spending time with my three, precious grands is so wonderful. However, my introvert is majorly overloaded. They talk a LOT. They talk FAST. They are speaking English, but sometimes I still have to strain to understand what they are saying. I know my "concentration" face appears to be a "mad" face, so I am trying to set aside any stress or lack of understanding that may be clouding my facial expression. It is hard work!

I have been staying in (what used to be) my mom's apartment. There is a scent that reminds me of her and our sweet fur baby, Cleopatra. That is all that is left of her there. Everything has been rearranged, changed, piled up in storage. She, and everything about her has been all but erased from the space. There's a poster-size photo of her from her memorial, some artwork she loved, and her ashes in a box on a shelf. No mom. No Cleo. No warmth. "Home?" 

No. I have observed my grandsons interactions with each other through the lens of seeing the world "as a child." Jesus said the Kingdom of Heaven belongs those who would be as children. The photos above show my youngest's quick sketch of me. What does he see? My head, glasses, hair, eyes, mouth, and necklace. Those are the parts he saw and considered important to draw. Does the sketch look like me? Actually, yes it does. I'm not sure it would pass as one to be used in a line-up, but yes!

Along with all of the above, I have had some extremely challenging emotions to process since I've been stateside. Here are just the major ones:  

1. Re-entry (regardless how brief it will be)

2. Grief (Mom's only been gone 1.5 years, she was my 'person,' and I'm sleeping in the [VERY much changed] space where she [AND our fur baby] lived and died.

3. My 4th day stateside, my Nanna died (Mom's mom).

4. My grands shared their virus with me, and I have been quite sick for 1/2 the time I've been here.

5. I exist here under the incredibly heavy expectation to be basically normal, healthy. 

I am barely over 2 weeks in. I have what feels like a LONG time to go. While I know that no place on earth will feel like home--especially since mom went to Jesus--I do have the privilege of spending the next week in a different place. I have felt more at home since I arrived in this house than during the entirety of my time stateside. The calm and peace is overwhelming. This will be an ideal location for my prayer/fasting time. He always provides!   

I want to see the most important things. I want to view this entire experience "Through the Eyes of a Child." I want to be that child, sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening to His wisdom. Deeply soaking in His grace. His mercy. His kindness. His SPIRIT. I just want to clearly see what, in all of this, does He find important? How can I make sense of this to sketch it out? What lessons does He want me to learn? How is He stretching and growing me? 

I will trust His timing. I have the next 7 days slated for prayer, fasting, and asking Him to guard my soul.

 God is sheer mercy and grace;

not easily angered, he’s rich in love.

He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold

nor hold grudges forever.

He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve

nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.

As high as heaven is over the earth

so strong is his love to those who fear him.

And as far as sunrise is from sunset

he has separated us from our sins.

As parents feel for their children

God feels for those who fear him.

Psalm 103: 8-13

  

The First Mother's Day

(Translation: Happy Mother's Day) 

Yes. Where I live, today is Mother's Day.

I was driving with a friend to a government office to get my car licensed on May 14th this year - Mother's Day in the U.S..  I said, "Today is Mother's day where I'm from!" She told me in this country there is no Father's day, but since Moms are so special, there is a Mother's day; it's December 21. I told her, "So that just means I get to celebrate my Mom twice a year!" 

I had no idea that would be the last time I'd ever get to tell my Mom how much I cherished her on a day made just for Moms. 

I've read that all the "firsts" are tough. That proved true when I was at Changi airport again. When I went back to Benan. When I passed the "Welcome to Batam" sign. When I crossed Barelang bridge again. Went back to Grand Mall. When I zombie-walked through Thanksgiving. When I joined friends for a "Thanksmas" celebration. My heart is still not ready to "celebrate" anything. 

So, today is another first without her. Mother's day here. In four days, it will be my first Christmas since she left this earth. Five years ago, she and I traveled to Cancun for Christmas. We had so, so much fun traveling together. She was my best travel buddy. The next trip we were planning together is coming up in January - just a couple weeks. I will have to take that trip without her; though she holds a huge space in my heart and I will always carry her with me. Obviously, it is not the same.

Me & Mom Cancun-4-Christmas 2018

Dearest Mom, 

Happy Mother's Day in Paradise! Oh how I wish I could video call you and see your beautiful face, hear your sweet voice, talk to Cleo while she ignores me, and tell you that I love you second most. My heart aches for you. 

What keeps me sane is knowing that our Lord is loving you so much better than I ever could. He truly does love you most, and He just couldn't wait another day to hold you in His loving arms. I will do my best to get through these holidays with some smiles. 

Oh how I miss you. 

Always ~ Ang 

Family Love

 How beautiful is this woman...in her 90s?!

A special painting for a special woman. 

12x16 acrylic on canvas

Be Who You Post to Be

Social media has taken the world by storm over the last decade. Statistics indicate that Facebook currently has over 2 billion regular users; 1.5 billion log in daily. That's around 30% of the global population. These numbers do not include Twitter, Instagram, My Space, Snap Chat, etc.. There is likely some cross-over, but the point is A LOT of people use social media regularly. Depending on how account privacy is set, all 2 billion users have the potential to view each other's posts and profiles. Ya think all of these people accurately portraying themselves?
(I'll answer that. NOT A CHANCE!!)
If they were, shows like Catfish wouldn't exist.Young girls wouldn't give their address to  65-ish year old men who pretend to be in high school to lure them into a false sense of security, so they can show up at their home and murder them. Sorry, that's dark, but it happens. 
On a little more superficial level, though...
I know I'm not alone. We all know some folks pretty well in person, so we become "friends" on social media. Then we're completely baffled by the "alter-ego" we find when we see their profile. 
The filters alone distort reality so much that if someone went missing, no one would recognize them! It always sparks my curiosity. What drives people to paint such a false picture?
Insecurity perhaps? The inherent human need to feel important? 
I completely understand the tendency to leave the negative behind in social media posts. I mean, when I returned to the blogging scene, I promised myself (and my readers) I'd focus on the positives going forward. What I question is why the embellishments? Why toot your own horn...and then some? There are times when it is totally appropriate to ask for prayers, or good vibes, or assistance. That's not considered airing your "dirty laundry" (unless, of course, you add a ridiculous amount of dirty detail). 
I confess, I like indulging in a good social media story on occasion. I find myself reading all 482 comments on a reeeeally good post. BUT...the lies! The misrepresentation! Why?Well, okay. Why does it really matter?Petty.
Still, when you post about how amazingly, wonderfully, brilliantly, magnificently phenomenal you are...at least be sure you're somewhat close to the "accurate" BALLPARK! Please. OH! And once you determine the TRUTH,before you fire up your account to exclaim any or all of the above...
please consider what God would want you to do with all that greatness!!  

Matthew 6:1 "Beware of practicing your righteousness before men to be noticed by them; otherwise you have no reward with your Father who is in heaven.

Shine!

Pure darkness is scary. I don't mean the sudden blindness you experience before your eyes adjust when you turn off the lights before bed. I mean PURE darkness. The complete absence of light. No possibility of visual adjustment. The blackest black you can fathom. 

Pure. Darkness.

If you've ever been deep in a cave, you have an idea of what pure darkness "looks" like. I was on a tour with my dad once. The path into the cavern was illuminated. We began the descent, torches in hand. Once we were deep inside the earth, the tour guide directed us to extinguish our flashlights, grab the railing, and emphatically instructed, "Don't let go!" I flippantly obeyed, chuckling under my breath. How dark could it really become? Then the lights went out. Waiting...waiting for the molecules to regenerate. For adaptation. After what seemed like at least 5 minutes, the tour guide asked, "How long do you think it's been since the lights went out?" A variety of responses were audible. "Five minutes!" "Ten minutes!" "An hour!"
"Wrong, wrong and wrong. It's been 30 seconds." Whaaaaaaat?? My my my how perceptions change during light starvation! The length of time between lucidity and insanity with sensory deprivation is not near as long as you'd suspect.

Have you ever experienced it? 

Not insanity. 

Pure darkness. 

Almost pure darkness?

When the brain is deprived of light, it begins to manufacture it. Within hours, hallucinations can occur. Studies have shown that extended periods without light or stimulation severely distorts time perception. People crave human contact after less than an hour of isolation. 

Change gears. 

Consider spiritual life. In I John 1:5 the Bible says, "God is light, in Him is no darkness at all."  

Well now that's the opposite end of the spectrum! 

What about darkness? 

What does the Bible say about darkness? 

In reference to spiritual warfare: 

Ephesians 6:12 says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual fs of evil in the heavenly places." 

In reference to God's gift to us of salvation

Colossians 1:13  "He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son"

Jesus' words

John 8:12  "Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”"

I could go on and on. (Or you could open a Bible and see for yourself.) 

There are multitudes of Bible passages discussing light and darkness. 

 The glaring concept in every passage is this: 

GOD=pure light 

SATAN (Opposite of God) = pure darkness

180

Back to physical darkness.

Perhaps that's one reason children are scared of the dark. They have not yet decided that they are resilient to every single thing in life. Subconsciously, they know that something about the dark is not right. (This is not to say that kids are ultra-rational creatures...but Jesus sure did love them!) 

I am also not insinuating that every time the physical lights are off, Satan is present. 

In fact...he is always lingering.

ALWAYS

Spiritual darkness. It is continuously attempting to consume every part of your world. Your mind. Your psyche. Your life.  

How? 

DISTRACTION

Do you ever find yourself so busy that you can barely fit everything into your day? Wake up at the crack of dawn, shower, pour coffee & drink it while you finish primping, brush your teeth, take the dog out, wake the kids, feed the kids, feed the dog, feed your spouse, fix your lunch, fix your kids' lunches, kiss your spouse, get everyone into the car, buckle up! Drop the kids off at school, call your mom while you navigate the traffic jam...park (in the garage, which is 1/4 mile from your office building) RUN to get badged in on time, grab the presentation material you're scheduled to present in 5 minutes...

Well, you get it. 

By the time you finish the trillionth thing on your daily list, there is no time for God. For spirituality. For filling your life with enough LIGHT that the darkness is unable to drown it out. Assuming you are not interested in being consumed by darkness...what can you do? 

Look toward the light! 

Focus!

Prioritize the God-stuff!

Perhaps you just don't buy into Christianity. It's not outside the realm of possibility that you don't even believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God. Even if that is the case, with very little investigation, it is impossible to deny that the Bible is at least a true historical book with some extremely useful life lessons inside. 

About Face.

Back to physical light. 

Wait, let's combine the two.

Pretend you have been consumed by darkness. You're looking everywhere for just a teeny-tiny spark to guide you toward...something. Anything other than all of this nothingness. 

You're in LUCK!! 

Some people do buy into Bible teaching, and are following His instructions. 

Let's see what He said.

Matthew 5: 14-16 "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven. 

You know those folks you meet who just seem inherently good? They could just be the ones who are following Jesus' teachings and letting their light shine. 

Regardless of what you believe, if you are smothered with the blackest black you can imagine...whether physically, mentally, or spiritually...you will CRAVE light. 

Any light you can find.

Unless you are a psychopath, your ambition is not for anyone you know to be overcome by darkness either. Thankfully, you can help them. You can be a light in this dark world. 

Mother Teresa said it this way: 

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine             enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.  Be honest and sincere     anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.  Create anyway.

 If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.  Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.  Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.  Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway.

In other words, 

SHINE!!!!

Woman Crush Wednesday!

Description of a Worthy Woman 

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; from her earnings she plants a vineyard. She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She senses that her gain is good; her lamp does not go out at night. She stretches our her hands to the distaff, and her hands grasp the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, and she stretches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies belts to the tradesmen. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; her husband also, and he praises her, saying: "Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all."  Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.  (Proverbs 31: 10-30)

Any woman who has logged even a few hours in church has heard these words and aspired to emulate them. Myself included. Had there been a #WCW in Bible times, everyone would have chosen her! 

Every. Single. Wednesday. 

I consider myself blessed beyond description that I have a woman in my family who would give the virtuous woman a run for her money! 

No, she's not my love interest. 

She's my daughter-in-law!! Wife to my son, and mother to my grandchildren.

It is apparent in reading Biblical accounts of people and occurrences, that our world has transformed since those days. (I know she gets up while it's still dark and feeds Jasper (& probably Oliver), but there's no way she'd be able to wake Kory up!)

Anyone who has the pleasure of knowing her will agree that she is probably the sweetest person they've ever met. She won't be content if she has not spent every ounce of her energy to tend to her loved ones. (And I'm pretty sure "her loved ones" are EVERY human she encounters.) Kory can't praise her enough. Her children adore her. I have witnessed the mastery with which she pours affection onto her sons, somehow having a plethora for the rest of us. I thank God every day for bringing this incredible woman into our lives! 

Years ago, I wrote a post that praised God for removing the obstacles that were preventing me from loving her as I should. They are still m.i.a. (never to return!) 

Our Lord is so faithful!

http://www.royalruminations.com/2011/10/wonderful-beautiful-soul.html

I don't tell her (to her face) how incredibly special she is near often enough. 

Mother-in-law fail.

Tomorrow is her birthday, so I wanted to honor her with a love-post! 

Canine Comfort on New Year's Eve

BOOM!

Oh! How lovely are the fireworks on new year's eve! The night sky suddenly becomes brilliantly illuminated. Every burst of light and color proclaiming that this year will be the best yet! The whole family looks forward to the luminous display, right? 

Wrong. 

 The furry family members are unlikely to be giddy with anticipation. In fact, once the celebration begins, they will often be found cowering in their favorite safe place (if they have one). Dogs have a keen sense of hearing. They hear sounds inaudible to the human ear. The seemingly harmless booms and bangs that accompany your fireworks show can be terrifying to your canine companion. 

My sweet rescue dog, Marcus Antonius, is a prime example. His history includes being displaced by the California fires and being moved miles away to a Western Washington shelter. He was then adopted by a woman who rejected him a few weeks later. Her daughter posted a desperate plea online, begging someone to save this poor, adorable cuddle bug so he wouldn't have to return to the shelter. I couldn't resist. 

Marcus Antonius

Although he appears to have adjusted to his new, forever home, he still requires a lot of reassurance. Some of his behaviors indicate that he experienced abuse in the past. It is heartbreaking to see him flinch when I reach to pet him.😢 I am determined to help him feel safe and confident that no human will hurt him ever again. 

Unfortunately, last night he was afraid. Terrified.  

This was the first occasion since he moved in that fireworks were being set off by the neighbors. I was not properly prepared. With the initial BANG, he scurried onto my lap, trembling. It felt like he was trying to crawl right inside my chest. He couldn't get close enough. I held him tight and told him it would be okay. I sang to him. (Yes, I sing to my animals.) I felt like a bad dog mom for my lack of readiness. I distracted him and his furry sister, Cleopatra, with yummy treats. The brief calmness converted itself right back into quivering anxiety with the next BOOM. 

This morning I looked to my favorite dog whisperer, Cesar Milan, for advice. I will be ready for the 4th of July! 

His article: Keep Your Dog Safe  details the steps to ensure your dog feels protected.  

Briefly paraphrased;

1) Preparation: If possible, keep them away from the anticipated loudness.

2) Accommodation: If taking them away from the noise is impossible, make them a "safe place" in your home. 

3) Acclimation: Play some firework sound in the weeks leading up to the occasion so they can get used to it.  

4) Sedation: If you find it necessary to use medications, or a thunder shirt to help calm your furry companion, educate yourself on how and when to implement this tool.   

5) Communication: Take your doggy for a long walk to expend much of their energy before the event. Let them know it is going to be okay. They can sense both anxiety and serenity in you. If you're calm, they will follow you, their pack leader. 

As much as I love my shaggy snuggles, I prefer the context to be spontaneous and relaxed! From now on, this dog mom will equip her fur babies for a laid back, boomin' time!! 

Marcus Antonius and Cleopatra