Seeking Wisdom in Joseph's Story (4)

 Let's talk about that false accusation. (Genesis 39:19-20)

Actions have consequences, right?  Well, in this case, the innocent party suffered as one guilty while the one who spoke falsehood was left with nothing but her conscience to convict her. Joseph paid the consequences for her spiteful, fictitious accusation. It just feels wrong and backwards, doesn't it? Even knowing the end of the story is not much consolation for how the injustice of it feels. 

God is with Joseph and gives him the strength to maintain his integrity. Oh how hard would it have been to remain silent in the face of her lies and his resulting punishment and humiliation? How humble and full of faith he was. Scripture does not record a hint of retaliation on Joseph's part. Surely he was tempted to redeem his reputation and prove his innocence! Yet here he was, in Egypt, faced with her word against his. Naturally, Potiphar believed her and acted accordingly. Besides her and Joseph, God alone knew the truth. 

So Joseph patiently bears up first under his family's mistreatment, and now under this lying woman's accusations. His only satisfaction was God's favor and a clear conscience. 

Joseph could have tooted his own horn about his history of impeccable work ethic, loyalty, and leadership skills, but he remained quiet and humble. He knew that his value was in God alone, and he patiently waited for his Master's guidance. Joseph was a willing servant, ready to give God all the glory. 

Hebrews 12:1,2 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Joseph is cited among that great cloud of witnesses. His integrity, humility, and powerful faith in this encounter alone is awe inspiring. Enduring hardship and persecution while maintaining godly character is challenging and often feels impossible. Jesus was the only One to ever do so perfectly. The path He lays for us may look daunting at times, but when God is with us, we can not fail. 

I look forward to digging in and discovering more in the next part of his story. 

Seeking Wisdom in Joseph's Story (3)

Remember from last time that Joseph, the beloved son of Jacob, has just been betrayed by his own brothers and sold into slavery. He was purchased by Potiphar, the (Egyptian) captain of Pharaoh's guard.

Joseph's story continues in Genesis chapter 39. His life situation had just changed drastically. He went from being 'spoiled' as his father's favorite to being thrown away like trash by his own brothers. There must have been at least a brief period of fear and uncertainty for Joseph, right? Scripture doesn't specify. Whatever his feelings were, however, he proved to be virtuous and prudent from the very start.

"The Lord was with Joseph, so he became a successful man, and he was in the house of his master, the Egyptian." Genesis 39:2

God was with him! He maintained virtuous character regardless of what his own family had done to him. The Lord gave him success in everything he did. Joseph's work ethic was so good that Potiphar put him in charge of his house and all he owned! Indirectly, Potiphar reaped benefit through God's favor on Joseph. 

Potiphar's wife soon begins to lust after and pursues Joseph, begging him to sleep with her. He refuses, stating in verse 9, "...How then could I do this great evil and sin against God?"  It would have been easy enough, considering he had charge over the place but, again, he maintained his character and said no. So one day she catches Joseph alone. He still says no, even runs! She is angry and spiteful, and falsely accuses him so he is thrown into prison. 

Another drastic life change. What a rollercoaster! 

Thoughts for personal reflection: 

1. Psalm 37:23, "The steps of a man are established by the Lord and He delights in his way." Proverbs 16;9 The mind of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. 

Sometimes I think God must chuckle at how "in control" we think we are of our life. We can make all kinds of plans, but ultimately it is God who lays the path. 

2. Joseph suffered great losses! His life as favorite son in the palace, his favored position of watching over his brothers, his family--especially Jacob,  his position of authority in Potiphar's house. Yet in the face of each major loss, he persisted with virtue and prudence. God was with him! 

3. Gen 39:2 "God was with him so he was a successful man." We need to realize that if we are prospering in life, work, etc, it is only because our Lord is with us. It is Him who causes us to succeed. Regardless what people do to try to derail us--even our own family--if God is with us, we can not fail. God may even use us to bless others. (The world was blessed through Abraham! "...I will bless you, and make your name great; and so you shall be a blessing." Genesis 12:2)  

We are blessed to be a blessing! 

4. Sometimes we have to get radical to avoid sin! I can't say with certainty whether I could run outside naked to flee a situation like the one Joseph was in. Especially if I was in such a position of power. That took a lot of grit and fortitude! Integrity is doing what's right, even when nobody is looking, right? Joseph knew God was present. His love for, and desire to serve God outweighed everything else! I aspire to that kind of faith and dedication to my Almighty!! 

Desperately Seeking...

 

Recently I saw this bouquet on a friend's coffee table. Initially, the bright colors drew me in. On close inspection, as you can see, it is made of something like legos. It's not real. From a distance, it looks as if it might genuinely be a freshly cut bouquet. The closer you get, the more clear it is that its flowers are artificial. 

That is what my world feels like since mom left this earth. I have been desperately seeking something real. Something solid I can hold onto. Yes, my faith is strong. Yes, I KNOW the Lord God is my Anchor and I am tethered to Him. That does not change the fact that I long for something. 

Of course, it makes sense that I just want my mom back. She was the one person who could listen to me think out loud, vent, verbally process my feelings--logic displaced or even absent--she could not have cared less. She was just there with open arms to listen. She patiently accepted me with all my flaws. She loved me agape-style. She told me every time we talked that she loved me and was proud of me. That I was "her person." 

And she was mine. 

"You don't know what you've got until it's gone" right? I did know though. I knew to my core what I had and I cherished it. I deeply cherished her while she was here. 

My encounters with people are...interesting. There is a clear expectation for me to function with the same level of logic, tolerance, and clear mindedness (None of which were top notch pre-loss, mind you). I should not, but I do attempt to communicate and function "normally" anyway. I fail. Essentially every time. 

I set boundaries, mainly to keep from subjecting others to my persistent grief state; my jumbled thoughts, emotions and M.I.A. ability to process. Then I fail to honor my own boundaries. Guess who would have just rolled with it? Who would never expect me to have a clear mind right now? Who would not tell me I have changed, I don't make any sense at all, I'm not joyful enough, I seem "down," I am illogical, I am ________________, or I am not____________? 

❤ MOM ❤

Do I expect special treatment? No. I suppose I am just desperately seeking a safe place...or person. Thus far, the nearest I've found is a Facebook group with hundreds of women who have lost their moms. I particularly recognize the ones whose relationships with their mom was as close as mine. They "get me." I could have written any of their thousands of posts. I could pour my heart out there, as many of those women do. They are real people, but I don't personally know them. I have yet to meet a "safe" person who understands. 

I will not downplay anyone's grief. Loss is brutal. I have experienced several profound losses (deaths) in my life-grandparents, relatives, dear friends....even my dad. I know grief is personal and excruciating in any case. However, nothing compares to this. Nothing. My grief counselor confirmed that people describe losing a same-sex parent as the deepest loss they've experienced. I was broken when I lost dad, but this has shattered me. 

It almost irritates me when people (especially women) who still have their moms expect me to be rationally processing life events. When people tell me I'm not making sense. Well guess what? Nothing makes sense right now! It has been 3 1/2 months since I lost my mother. My "Ride or Die." My best travel buddy. My first and best friend. 

My person. 

Remember that artificial bouquet? That is what my world looks like right now. A whole lot of words, packaged to (look) sound genuine, but if I drill down a bit--they are not. How can they be? People say they understand--and they may even believe it--but until they're in my shoes, they can not. It's simply impossible. 

One tidbit of advice from me after being just 3 1/2 months into the grief process: 

If you know someone who's lost their same sex parent, please do not expect them to be rational in their thoughts, speech, problem-solving ability, or anything else that requires a clear head. If you still have your parents, don't tell them you understand them. You do not. You can not. Regardless of how desperately you or they wish you could. 

It is lonely in this place. The only thing that holds me together is my relationship with Jesus. My Anchor...my Rock...my salvation...my hope. 

Lord Jesus, Bread of Life, I praise You with all that I am. Living Water, I feel parched. I need You to fill me. Pour Your Spirit into me until I am overflowing, Lord. Let my overflow bring Your name glory. I am nothing without You Lord. An empty shell, fragile and cracked. Fortify me with Your Sprit Lord. Make me like You. Precious Jesus, I surrender all to You. I am desperately seeking Your face. 

Offering

So here it is, my alabaster heart 

I'm keeping nothing back from who You are

No hidden treasure veiled by key or lock

You're a lifetime of worship and that's only just the start

Here it is, my every waking day

The minutes, hours, years of endless praise

'Cause You're worthy far beyond all I could say

There's a lifetime worth of worship in the nuance of Your names

 Let it rise like incense

My whole life a fragrance

Every ounce here broken at Your feet

Every breath an offering

My heart cries these lungs sing over You

My worthy King of Kings

There it is, Your alabaster cross

Giving all You are for all I'm not

I can't believe that's the kind of King You are

How could I not bring a lifetime worth of worship to You, God? 

All my love...all my heart

You can have it all.

~Kalley Heiligenthal~